Welcome to Thirty Minute Rant!

I have missed writing and journaling and "getting it out" for so long and wondered why on earth I ever stopped! After some reflection, I realized I stopped journaling because 1. I was married to a snooping jerk who felt like the had the right to my private thoughts and machinations and 2. I didn't have the time to sit down with a journal every day. SO - I thought I'd try my hand at blogging and thinking out loud on screen via keyboard. I'm sure no one will ever read my meanderings but I KNOW it will help me make sense of my life, where I've been, where I'm going and where I want to wind up. Still, knowing that life has a tendency to be most uncooperative, I am starting out with the goal of writing for 30 minutes straight every time I sit down to my keyboard. No lofty goals or oppressive guilt here!

I'll start by telling you a bit about myself (because I'm sure I'll forget eventually)... I'm 40 years old and alternate between feeling 15 and 90. On days when I'm 15, my back doesn't hurt, my clothes fit the way I want them to and the radio plays all my favorite songs. On days when I'm 90... well, my back hurts like a MFer, my clothes make me feel frumpy, the radio plays lots of newfangled crap that I don't know the words to and traffic makes me angry. On my 15 days, I have to remind myself that I have stretch marks and the salesman at Buckle wants in my wallet and not my pants. On my 90 days, I want to stay home, drink wine all day and not shower.  Sigh... middle age can suck eggs sometimes.

I have two children and four step-children. Some days I want to punt any or all of them through the nearest black hole. Most days I like them all just fine...I definitely like them all better the older they get. The bunch includes a 21 year old girl (K) - cosmetology school graduate, kind of floundering around aimlessly, an 18 year old girl (Hollah) in her first year at university on scholarship working towards finding her own way as a high school science teacher, a set of 17 year old triplets who are juniors in high school - two hard working and hard studying girls (Miss Practical and The Dreamer) who talk nonstop about music and "getting out" and a hard working, really bright boy (Mr. JROTC) who dreams of joining the Navy, and last but not least - a 15 year old high school freshman (Dreamboat) who is a star defensive football player, star wrestler and brilliant student.

My husband (Big Daddy) is my rock and my soft spot. He loves me in spite of myself and likes me when I am decidedly unlikable. He is a saint and my extended family agrees that he should be canonized simply for putting up with my particular brand of crazy.

Big Daddy and I were transferred with his job to Utah from Alabama several years ago which caused all the teenagers to immediately jump ship. They waved and cried as we moved away from them and left them to live their own lives. It was the hardest thing I have EVER done. I wasn't READY for them to leave me so soon. Yes, I'd been raising them towards that goal their entire lives but I thought I had a few years left before it happened... In the end, they chose their own paths and I have to respect them for it. It's been hard but I honestly have to admit that I love the relationship I have with each of them now. My relationships with my stepchildren were rocky at best before we moved and now...I wouldn't change a second of it. I think the separation and distance has helped us all (including my own two children) appreciate and respect each other as individuals and to grow more patience within our family.

So that's me in a very basic nutshell. I have 5 minutes left so what else can I cram in here?

I love to read and chew through books like crappy bubble gum that loses it's flavor too soon. I am incredibly bored and underutilized at my job and am actively searching for a new one. I'd love a new CAREER but signs are not auspicious for a change any time soon. My husband and I have a 125 gallon salt water predator aquarium. It's an expensive hobby which lets us answer 'YES' when someone asks if we have pets but doesn't require boarding or obedience school or pee stains or long walks in the snow. Although admittedly, our porcupine puffer isn't very cuddly.

Anyway - my time is about up so I'll leave you with this. Forty Year Old Rule #57: Pee where you can, when you can. The next clean bathroom may be MILES away.